initial fmp ideas
i had started new medication over the lockdown before the start of this project, and had noticed some interesting effects it had on my compulsions and overall outlook on life. creating some sketches and writing down compulsions to later turn into drawings or paintings. which initially sparked my interest in journalling for this project. to journal to track my progress on this medication, and to examine my process on this project (which one could say is quite meta). i was also entertaining the idea that filling a space with a large collection of journalled work could be something to work towards. which would also be beneficial for my time scale, as it might decrease or increase, and i wouldnt have a set amount of work to work towards and would create a larger outcome regardless of how much journalling had taken place prior. although this could help me slack a little if i dont have a set amount of stuff to do, guess its a waiting game.
Week 1 - 3
i started out pretty strong. mostly taking this time to look at research for inspiration i decided to mass produce some automatic art and illustrate some of my compulsions. i looked into a variety of different artists, mostly at jack whitten and how he writes things down. i wanted my handwriting to be almost illegible (it couldnt be legible even if i wanted to) to make sure it looked like art and not just plain text, how boring. i started to notice a small motif develop within my compulsions is that birds, more specifically ducks, wanted to kill me and drawing that down seemed to work a treat for curing it. there was one compulsion where i couldnt sit down to pee because i thought there was a pigeon stuck in the u bend of the toilet and would attack me as soon as i sat down. however, i didnt want to draw that for privacy reasons. i later then moved on to planning some outcome ideas on my computer. i settled on some kind of installation or walkthrough which could simulate my brain with a space around the outside for 'normal art', a corridor or somewhere enclosed would be the best for my work currently, but i will see how feesable that will become towards the end of the project. I also started looking into 'bad art'
Week 4-7
a lot of shit went down. i really enjoyed making these funny compulsion paintings so i just kept making them. coming off of traditional school and almost being made to create realism portraits for about six years, letting go and making stupid shit was great. which i guess aided with the mass production side of my concept. i really didnt want to think about what i was creating, and i couldnt tell you now what half of them are about. i enjoyed playing with some neon colours and exploring what kind of text works with different painting styles. text will almost certainly become a staple of mine, and thinking about my artist statement would just be taken from a bit of my painting. ducks and comedy work well for me. i can see all of this work being thrown into my installation at the end of the project all together, as i dont think any of these pieces are stand alone. none of this work, works outside of the context of eachother for me. the unfinished self portrait is my favourite ('my great grandad died' one) its messy but not too messy, and the colour scheme is neato. im thinking about using digital art to create the same comedic effect that i get from the painting, which would be easier to mass produce.
favourite final outcome
initial sketchbook sketch
Week 8
instead of working from nothing, i took one of the sketches from my initial journalling phase right at the begining and made that digital. i changed a few things that bothered me but ultimately kept it the same. i think the intestines look super cool and i want to keep making them, something about the curvy lines that i can just throw out and use my automatic brain to fill in the details is super interesting. i like looking at the difference between the initial sketch and the outcome. i also made a lot of different versions to perhaps create a little pop art number if i feel like it towards the future. however, i did want to use a more funny line of text rather than something so serious as a duck eating a dead aliens intestines can come across a little much. perhaps something like 'whoopsie doodles, it happened again' or 'when did you get here' but im just going to move on before i get bored of digital. this is making me want to create a digital final product. im not that nice.
Week 9
this is me starting to put together the installation in the area where i work, i liked the colour scheme from the past couple of experiments and so to tie everything together i used this pink to draw intestines all over the installation. i heavily watered down the acrylic paint to get the drips to form, i think the messiness of it helps the collective aesthetic for journalling and automatism. i have been losing steam for this project slowly and i attribute that partly to the installation itself, i chose something so daunting and big to create that the thought of filling it all up gives me a sense of existential dread. but i enjoy making all of the small things to go inside it for now, but i am thinking about only finishing half it, its fuckin massive. also my back really hates me sitting on the floor all the time. im looking into more bad art and how that relates to my work. and i just realised how dark the intestines seem. im really not trying to be edgy with them, they dont have a purpose, the only reason i like them is that theyre fun to draw and paint, and theyre also a very fun magenta colour which works will with the blandness of the other work in the installation. i need to learn not to talk so much.
Week 9-10
this i would say is the mid point in the installation, ive got like two weeks left to finish this but i really dont want to. im not enjoying creating it but the aim is to push as much as i can, there isnt much time left. im also using almost everything i put in my sketchooks previously, even the random collected papers from when i was looking at my reaction to medication. ignore all the ugly tape. i want to keep everything portable and easy to move before i tack everything down permanantly, rather than doing it straight away and then having a breakdown because its ugly and i wouldnt be able to change it. im also lazy. the motifs of the birds and intestines bring the whole thing together, and got me interested in looking at artists who use motifs like guston who uses the hooded klansmen alot. going forward with my pratice after this, i think those two things would be continued, they represent me well and have become a part of me at this point. though thats a given as this installation is supposed to represent me.
the plan for the last two weeks is to try to fnish one more of the walls, as one is almost complete. im almost certain i wont get the whole thing done, it was such an ambitious project idea that i realled fucked myself over with that one. im also going to create some more quick digital art that i can bang out to fill it with, i also think theyre more fun at this point.
i am having a big fucking whoops crisis
Week 10
right so you know how i hate this installation and am incredibly bored of it? so i decided to stop and change directions for it. ive just been thinking that if i cant finish the whole thing, whats the point of continuing to still have an unfinished product at the end of it, and my perfectionist brain cant handle that. so after sleeping on it, i am going in a more modern route, since i enjoyed creating those digital pieces that i think i could involve alot of my previous work for the installation for it, so none of that work would be a waste. i have an idea to photocopy and edit some of the tiny intricate areas of the installation to throw them into a little booklet or leaflet? i also want to make it more funny, i think the scale of the installation and the amount of content inside it made people not read any of it. so the digital work i did this week should feature in it, alongside the other digital alien guy i made. I'm also going to have a consistent colour scheme across the book similar to that exhibition that only had the colour blue in it. id think it could be funny to title my new project 'im having a big fucking whoops crisis'. i experimented with a few colours for the digital stuff ultimately to see what colour i wanted the booklets to be, and its definitely pink magenta. (or maybe neon green but thats still a maybe, and im an indescisive idiot).
crisis continued™
Week 10 cont.
here is a collection of peer reviews, parent reviews and girlfriend reviews. i wanted to ask my dogs opinion about my shift in direction but he said he was busy, so maybe later. for me making sure that ive considered all points of view and pros and cons is vital before i can fully commit to this new idea. and this helped. one i calmed down and saw things from others point of view as well, i was certain that this booklet idea was the best for me. at least now im commited and interested in this project again, rather than trudging along not doing anything on the installation. i like this technique to level my head for decision maing. 10/10 will do again.
practice
zines
Week 11
this week was spent mostly planning and collecting my old work to through in these newly named zines. ( i found this name shortly ago and thought it was wonderful.) i printed out all the squares that could possibly go together and made a blank zine to tape all these little sqaures into. doing this physically rather than digitally was much more tactile and i could get a feel as to how the final product would flow. i cant really imagine how it looks when its just on the screen. i figured it looks better with different pictures, rather than the same one with different colours, the eye gets bored. im also going to take down the installation and cut it up to see what other interesting little squares i can get. for the last week i want to see how polished i can get this looking, and cohesive. some of the colours dont match at all and it looks kinda gross, so i think plugging all the images i want to use into photoshop and making them all look cohesive is the way to go. however i need eight of them and that might take some time. i will chug some monster energy and work through the nights.
content of zine
before and after editing for zine
irl photos
Week 12
we made it boys. im finally pretty happy with this thing i made. the zines are tiny and perfect. it took a long time going through the images i collected and editing them to be cohesive and colour themed. i had about 12 images total that i could have included and wanted to edit them all before deciding which ones to use, it took a few days over the weekend to do that and then select the ones i wanted. i found a template online and added in the images. (you can see on the small slideshows the before and after editing process for the small zine content.) i wanted it to be small enough to enclose entirely in your hand for storage purposes and also for presenting in the show to have a lot of them in a smaller space, the aim is to print off and make hundreds of these things so people can just take one if they want it. maybe even using some of the 2d stuff from the installation to put behind the leaflet bin. the use of text made it more like my work, and it came across more funny and weird than dark, which was what i originally wanted. i might go through a few more tweaking stages for some of the individual art works. but for now im mostly finished. artist statement and other small website details left and then im free (in a good way) im also going to plug in the raw pdf file of the zines so anyone can print it off and make their own at home.